When I Pray I Feel...

     I'm feeling the blah's of a busy season and when I pray there's no magic relief!   I wish there was, but there's not.  When my Dad was dying, I prayed and the journey didn't get easy.  I wish it did, but it didn't.  When people are stressful (I call them EGR - extra grace required -- people & situations) I pray, often for them, and God's way of love and for me, and they don't suddenly get all warm and fuzzy or compliant.  I wish it were so, but it isn't.  So why pray?
      I pray to stay connected to God...something bigger than me. (Here's some info about prayer.)  It seems to me that a God big enough to love me with amazing creativity in creation, persistence in Jesus, and effectiveness over thousands of years, is someone who's got a better handle on things that I do.  (And I haven't found a better handle on life stuff.)  So I want to stay connected.  In that desire, practice and journey, I get changed for the better.  God does stuff that I couldn't see before.  And I find prayers answered in familiar and surprising ways.
      I pray to let God change me.  I need you to know I'm not an on-my-knees, head-bowed, hands-folded, kind of pray-er.  I walk and pray.  I write and pray.  I draw and pray.  I play music and pray.  I think and pray.  I cry and pray.  I sigh and  pray. And, once in a while, I bow-my-head-fold-my-hands and pray.  (Here's some back info on ways to pray.)  It's messy, sometimes mundane, often without immediate reward, frequently one step in a long journey, and always (in hindsight) powerful.

     Today I am wrestling with life on the inside of my head and soul.  I came across an article called "Why Pray?"  and was reminded to pray.  I was connected to God through a prayer: while reading the article, while writing this blog post, while waiting in my own discomfort, and while thinking about practical solutions to life's stuff.  Maybe I need to go take a walk?!  Thanks for starting my prayer time with me.
     If you want to:

• engage about prayer, 
• share a thought about prayer, 
• know someone else is praying with you for a prayer request, 
• offer a strongly or wonderingly held belief about prayer, 
• pursue a sincere question about prayer, 
• confront a deal-breaking or heart-breaking frustration about prayer,

... anything, then go ahead, right now, right here.  I'd love to share in that holy, prayerful conversation with you. Peace on the Journey.
     

When Trust Fails

   This week anyone touched by Penn State ached.  My prayers go to the children and to many others who are hurt and even those who have inflicted pain.  God never fails, but often we do.
    I have to confess my first reaction to the scandal was first anger that anyone would hurt kids and then something hard to put my finger on.  It was a puzzlement that Penn State is held so high. It was a frustration that a school or a football team could be so important to some that feel almost idolotrous to me.  But, that's not where I ended.
    Reflecting on the reality and praying for those involved, brought me to a new place...a better place, I think.  I began to ponder all the things that I value and that I would grieve for if my trust in them were broken.  ( I wish I could say the list was short but it wasn't.)  I depend on many things from my car to people.  Some of those things, many really, have grown to hold too high a priority in my life for the lasting joy, results, or power that they can deliver.  Too high a place to match what I want to believe, what I say I believe.
    That point of growing, confession and reality admitted, there are all kinds of levels of trust.  Each one with a place in our lives.  Each one, when broken, brings a bit of grieving and sadness. Each one gives me the opportunity to see the gifts in that relationship and to see the things that I hold out of proportion, that I idolized, even if only a little bit.  Each one gives me the opportunity to Live Love more fully, making life adjustments as I go.
    So through the gifts of time and grace, my prayers and heart goes out to those grieving about Penn State, about losses, about the things that capture attention.  My prayer is that God would heal the hurts and hold more of your attention.  In that posture nothing can conquer us, only detour us a bit.
    What has your attention?  How may I pray for you?